TOO MUCH FORCE

TOO MUCH FORCE

Swim!
Swim, you miserable thing, since you’ve jumped off the ship!

MY SHIP.

The one I let you travel on until now.
Scrub the deck, cook the food, take care of my comfort.
For me, the most important thing is that I don’t have to change my system.

But you, you ungrateful thing, you rebelled.


At first, I thought this would pass too, like always before. A few days and you’ll get tired, give in, and we can return to the usual routine.
But you’ve gone crazy.
What you’re doing is incomprehensible, and your behavior is downright outrageous.
And of course: not normal.

Didn’t you know you shouldn’t be thinking like this?
That you don’t function right?
Don’t you see that you are the problem?
Everyone knows it about you!
Just look at yourself. This is not normal.

And instead of admitting it, acknowledging it, coming to your senses, you just keep holding on, clinging to that damn railing.
I’m almost starting to believe you’ll really jump off the ship.
And you know what?
If you disrespect me this much, if you’re not willing to break before my will, then you better jump.

Jump, you pathetic thing!


I know this is what you’ve wanted all along, that you were looking for a way to leave me, abandon me, leave me in the shit!
You’re cruel and heartless to just leave me — like this!
Don’t you see I gave you everything?
You had a good life, you got to travel on a ship!
I wanted a shared goal, I wanted us to reach it together.
I’m the captain, you’re my officer.
Weren’t we a good team?
And now you’re throwing it all away!
This is not normal!

You don’t dare jump, do you?

You know you won’t last long. The sea is vast, and even if you think you can swim, it’s nothing like drifting comfortably on a ship into nowhere.
There you have to actually paddle.
I know you’re crazy enough to do it, because you’re heartless and cruel, and let me tell you now:

Don’t count on me!


If you jump out of here, I won’t be your friend anymore, no matter how you struggle.
You need to learn you can’t do things like this.
Yes, you need punishment.
You deserve it, because you’re stubborn, disobedient, and heartless.
You’re selfish!!!

What now, why aren’t you jumping?


You’re hesitating, aren’t you?
The shore is far, you’re afraid you wouldn’t make it, right?

Good that you’re finally realizing you’re dependent on me.
And wasn’t your life good here?
I gave you the opportunity to live the way I wanted.
Because I, unlike you, know what’s normal.
What the foundation is, what’s to be expected.


And I do expect that — understood?

That’s the baseline, look around, everyone knows I’m right.
And no one understands what made you suddenly go crazy like this.

You’re not speaking, and it’s starting to annoy me.
You have to answer!
Answer my words, tell me what made you go mad?
Do you have someone?
Who messed with your head, who’s helping you escape in secret?

What did you think, I’d just let you go?
That I’d accept you giving orders?
You want to teach me a lesson?
Well no — forget it.
I’m the captain here, and I’ll be the one to teach you what respect means.

If you won’t jump, I’ll help you.

Here you go, you heartless, selfish little shit.


Now you can swim.
You’ll regret it anyway, you’ll cry to come back, realizing how good you had it with me.
On this ship drifting nowhere.
You and me, the two of us against the world.
Of course I was right all along, and you were lucky to be here.
Without me, you’d be nowhere, I shouldn’t even have bothered with you, the whole thing was a mistake.
If you couldn’t appreciate it, then go, solve it on your own.
You’ll see.

 

finally silence

 

Just the waves all around, with gentle, soft rocking.

My grandmother’s song, I’m swaying in a little boat on the endless ocean.



Alone.

Free.

Alone.

Free.

This time I can’t stop again.
I have to trust.
I have to believe.
I have to be.

Finally — to be.
Freely.

It will work.

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