So here I am. I ran the marathon. I did it, yes, I set my body, my brain to it and consistently ran the distance, because I pushed myself all the way here. I went against all my fears, deliberately always moving in the direction that brought the most excuses from within.
It wasn’t difficult. I know what I am capable of. Anything. I have infinite energy and intelligence, I can endure anything, because I have become accustomed to putting my needs aside. But now that I am here….
Here I stand at the finish line. I stopped, yes, because the ribbon is only a few metres away from me…
I have been standing here for a while now, waiting, looking at the landscape. What do I do now?
My legs won’t carry me any further, it simply isn’t possible, I can’t just simply cross the finish line!
This is insane.
“You never finish anything,” I hear the past shouting in my head. “I told you, didn’t I? It’s no use, there’s nothing to show for it!”
Now it laughs mockingly:
“You little idiot, did you really think you were going to reach your goal? That you deserve it?”
How many, many years have I stopped at the threshold.
But this is different now.
This is the Freedom Frequency, and it is mine alone.
I have led myself through the long journey. The finish line is right in front of me.
Now, once and for all, I am going to find out why I stopped.
“Come on, run!”
“I can’t.”
“Run, there’s no danger, the track is clear, everything is ready! You’ve done everything, you deserve it, come on!”
“I can’t.”
“Of course you can! Can’t you see? It’s only one step away, the thing you longed for, the thing you worked for! Just do it!”
“I can’t do it.”
“Why not? Aren’t you drawn to victory, don’t you want to be proud of yourself?”
“Of course I do, it’s just…”
“Just what? You’re not tied down!”
“Yes, I am.”
“Really? You don’t want to take the step from being a competitor to being the winner because something is holding you back?”
“Yes.”
“What is it???”
“The contract.”
“The contract? You signed a contract??”
“Yes, right at the beginning.”
“And what does it say?”
“I swore loyalty, that I would not leave the person whose love I was waiting for. I waited so desperately for him to love me. To acknowledge me. To simply notice me, for myself, in my own right. But he didn’t notice me, he was too busy with his own wounds.”
“And then?”
“Then I learned to perform. I wanted his attention, you understand? I did everything, but the more I stood out through my achievements, the angrier he became with me. I think I annoyed him.”
“And what happened after that?”
“After that I learned to become invisible. Not to want, not to fight, not to stand out. There was a price to pay for him to acknowledge me — or at least tolerate me. He wanted to be the winner. So I gave him everything I achieved. Maybe then he would be happy for a little while, maybe then he would love me.”
“And was he happy? Did he notice you, did he love you?”
“No. He said it was my job to help him. He said he couldn’t run, couldn’t walk, I had to win the prize for him. And I had to give it to him too, because only then would he be happy. It belonged to him, but he couldn’t get it. It didn’t belong to me.”
“So this is why you’re not crossing the finish line? This is why you’re not reaping the fruits of your labour? Because you don’t want to give them to him?”
“No.”
“Then what?”
“I don’t want to break the contract. Out of honour.”
“I understand. Then we have the solution.”
“Really? What is it?”
“Your honour binds you. It is more valuable to you to keep the contract, your own commitment, than to win the race. But you know… A contract can also be terminated, because it was one-sided and unfair.”
“Terminated….”
“Yes, terminated. Here and now, right here, in this sacred place, before the finish line!”
There we have it. The contract is invalid, and here in this blog post I announce it to the world.
And now… we write a new one.
“A new contract?”
“Yes!”
“With whom?”
“With yourself!”
From this moment on, I vow to love myself and to ensure my own safety — financially, emotionally, physically. I will gladly reap the fruits of my work and use them for myself. I owe no one an account of myself, and I am not obliged to hand myself over to anyone.
“There. And now sign it.”
“And now… do you see that ribbon that says FINISH?”
“I see it.”
“Are you ready?”
“Yes.”
“Then, ladies and gentlemen, I hereby announce the winner of the marathon!”
It’s me.
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